Issue 3
Thank You, Creepy Middle-Aged Guy!
1. I was leaving Hibbard Hall several days ago, headphones on and enjoying the somewhat decent weather when I was approached by a balding man with a stack of papers in his hand. He said something to me – what it was, I couldn’t tell you – and offered me one of those papers he held. I accepted it, more interested in not being rude than in reading the flier.
(Don't) Believe In Yourself
These days, it's so goddamned hard to avoid encouraging words. Everywhere we go we're assaulted with posters and magnets sending a positive message. The poster proclaims something like “EFFORT,” in block letters, accompanied by a large photo of a landscape, like a nice lake. (Because if you work hard and believe in yourself you won't end up looking at a landfill.) And how often are you given advice along the same lines? “Life,” or “Today,” is what you make of it, how you respond, or, the cliché we hear most often, “Attitude is everything.”
Sweetparty
We had booked a show in Winona, Minnesota with Choose Your Poison. Since one night of partying together didn’t sound like enough, CYP decided to come to the Eau C. a day early. Their original target was to be in Eau Claire by 9 p.m. at the latest. What time did they show up? No sooner than three in the fucking morning.
Hedonist: Part Two
I smell the fresh polish on the leather interior. My eyes dim from an eight hour work day and constant thoughts of Brandi. I think of the extra stash in my bed stand that Brandi knows about. The butcher knife that is lying in a kitchen drawer. The alligator skin suitcases lining the lower wall of my closet. I think of these things and what she’ll choose. I look at the clock in the council. 6:13. Brandi didn’t work today.
Soul Play: God According to a Drunk Girl
It was a night in September. I found myself at the Joynt, incontestably my favorite bar, accompanied by one of my dearest friends as well as a very expensive leather purse that concealed a plastic bottle of vodka and cranberry juice. I was happy.
We couldn’t find seats, which was odd for 10:30. We circulated, knowing we would inevitably see friends – that’s what I love about the Joynt.
If They Build It, Will You Go?
Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I knew more about the “scientific” claims in the book of Genesis. You know what I mean by scientific claims… claims about the “days” of creation and the mass extinction due to rising Flood waters. Luckily, my thirst for such knowledge will soon be quenched. A museum dedicated to what some might call Creation Science is slated for the near future in Wisconsin Dells. This museum will feature displays depicting all land animals living together pre-Noah’s Flood and post-Divine Creation, one example: Dinosaurs and Humans living side by side a few thousand years ago.
